Actually I really don’t know how to start
because while I’m writing this article I’m still in the process of moving on.
In fact my problem is just very simple yet
complicated., but as what is my objective of having this blog I hope that
somehow you will be able to find something educative here that you can use and
apply to your own life. I hope that through this article I can help other people
who have the same problem with me. I hope that
they will be able to relate their own experience to me that once in their life
they made a BIG MISTAKE by LOVING someone
too much.
And here is my story. . .
I used to have a girlfriend before. I love
her very much and I feel very comfortable with her. I want to be with her always
whenever there is a chance because we are both working. It is our usual routine
for several months until I met someone who really touched my heart and made me
feel out of love with my current girlfriend. At first I didn’t entertain this
feeling because I don’t want to lose my girlfriend in the first place but I
really feel guilty because no matter how hard I tried to avoid it, is the
stronger I feel blameworthy about it.
I have no idea about the feeling of being
a two timer because I’m not that kind of person but this time, I really feel I
am. I feel so confused about the things that are happening to me. I even asked
myself why it is happening. My girlfriend loves me so much but I am feeling out
love and I’m sure that it’s because of this person.
Everything goes normal until the time came
that I can no longer carry the guilty feeling that I have in my heart. My
conscience is already bothering me about the situation and I can no longer hold
on to this kind of circumstances.
JUNE 12. 2010
I am a member of a Catholic Organizational
Ministry and this date is very important to me because this is my graduation or
what we so called the “Lord’s Day” from this program. I prayed a lot during the
ceremony and ask Him to lead me in the right track. I realized many things after
the ceremony and you know what I did??
Yes! I broke up with my girlfriend as a
result of my meditation.
I know it’s hard for my girlfriend to
accept my decision, but what can I do? I really
feel out of love and it’s all my fault. I know that I hurt my girlfriend but I
also know that someday, somehow she will be able to understand that what I did
is just the best thing I can to be honest to her and to put everything in right
channel.
JUNE 13, 2010
I know its bad but this is also the time
of our formal beginning as a couple.
I can’t understand but I’m so happy. I
felt so loved and I really feel in love more than I felt before to my
ex-girlfriend. I found the happiness to this person which I never felt before. I
know this is not what I suppose to do or to be but I can’t fight this feeling
anymore and everything goes the way I want it.
I did everything for this person. I gave
even the things that I can’t believe I will be able to give like admitting
everything just to make this person realize that I am really into our
relationship. I even let this person know my access codes in all social
networking sites that I am a member of, as well as my user id and password in my
UZZAP Account.
I can never forget how this person
prohibits me from being exposed to other people who can take me away. I found it
very cheesy and “nakakakilig” because it might be one of the proofs that this
person really loves me.
I found our relationship very tight so I
decided to risk every love that I have for this person. I even say:
“bahala na basta ang alam ko mahal
na mahal kita. ABANTE ako hon, HINDI ako PAPAYAG na mawala ka. IPAGLALABAN kita
ano man ang MANGYARI”.
I can never forget how this person
responds. I quote:
“Abante ako hon, hindi
ako papaya na mawala ka. IKAW ANG NAG PAPASAYA SA AKIN NGAYON”
I never thought that this line hides
something in its last word which is NOW/NGAYON, but I did not put much attention
to that; instead I became contented when this person directly says:
“I LOVE YOU PO TALAGA.”
I have a pending job application to a
highly respected and admired company in the US that time and after all the
things that I did wrong specially to my xgf, I still feel blessed because I was
able to know through my recruiter that my starting date will be on June 21,
2010. I’m so happy when I heard that news.
But before that date this person told me
that she is going somewhere to fix something. and because I love this person so
much I let this person do it. Although we still have time to communicate during
the process, I never thought that letting this person doing it will be the
reason for this person to FEEL OUT OF LOVE FROM ME
ALSO.
THIS IS THE
MOST AND BIGGEST MISTAKE I EVER DID IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
“After the word ”
LIFE”, I honestly stop writing this article to give time for me to cry and think
about the decisions I made in my life and I’m right I never ever made a decision
like this before. A decision that almost killing me right now”.
I think and I know that this is already
the revenge of KARMA for me because
everything is just happening the way I left my gf before and it seems like a
repetition of my previous mistake.
Again, everything goes normal. This person
even called me via phone of other person that I do not know, saying everything
is okay bout us, letting me expect that everything is fine and we are still
strong. But I think DESTINY is JUST that
unpredictable or talagang mapagbiro.
AND AT LAST ON JUNE 25, 2010
At around 6:30pm when I am going home from
work, I received a text message from this person saying that there is a lot of
things that she realized in the place where she went out. This is the exact text
that I received,
“dito na ako sa amin. Xory pero narealize
ko na hindi pala kita mahal. Tatanggapin ko na lang lahat ng galit mo. Xori
talaga.”
After that I called this person and I was
given a chance to have 5mins conversation.
A lot of questions is coming out from my
mind such as why? How come? What did I do wrong? I don’t even deserve to be
treated like this.
But everything is just FINAL. There is nothing more I can do except
accepting the revenge of KARMA.
I feel lost and I really cant find myself.
I feel out of this world as I read the other messages that this person is
sending me.
I fell regret, loser, gagu, tanga etc.
I even hurt myself by giving a strong
strike on our wall at home that caused me a painful wound but I just ignore it.
I am crying a lot until my sister come before me and hug me tight.
I told everything to her and she asked me
to be brave and just focus in my goals in life. Everything will be set
accordingly in the right time.
“You can’t take
that away or forget everything in just an instant but as you go along the
diverse path of our journey in this world you will be able to find the answers
of every question that you are asking right now. Maybe not today or tomorrow or
even next week but God wont give us challenge that we cant overcome just pray to
Him and ask for His help. He will neither leave
you nor forsake you as He promised.
Just be thankful
that as early as this you found out her real personality. “
I am crying so hard while listening to my
sister’s advice and cried much harder when she added.
“There are only two
things that I want you to do as an action plan for your problem.
FIRST is ACCEPTANCE. And the second one is FORGIVENESS.
Accept everything
that happened and take it as part of your battle as a new joiner of the world
which we called LOVE. Accept the fact that
there is nothing permanent in this world except changes.
If you accept all
those things that I mentioned, don’t just try but
FORGIVE. Forgive yourself first and
at the last part of the story FORGIVE this PERSON
also.
Once you did those
two things I SWEAR TO YOU EVERYTHING WILL BE SET
ACCORDINGLY. PROMISE!
And after that I went to my room and I
cried the whole night thinking of every memory that we have and at the same time
say GOODBYE to this person..
at present.. i cant deny the truth that im
still in the process of moving on because everything is just fresh but im
looking forward for the time that I WILL BE ABLE TO
FORGET THIS TRAGEDY , AND IF THERE IS ANOTHER CHANCE TO LOVE AGAIN.. I WILL
STILL DO THE SAME THING BUT THIS TIME. WISER!!
and that ends my story.
My
Conclusion
We really can’t deny the fact that when we
are in love we are being selfish and fool at the same time.
Selfish in the way that we don’t want the
one we love to snatch by others, coz we feel that this person is one of our
belongings as if it only belongs to us. And fool that we gave everything even we
don’t have assurance of what might happen in the future, what we all know is
that we are in love and we forget everything.
In my story I loved too much that I forgot
to have at least a bit for myself. That’s the reason why I feel very LOST today. I don’t know where or how I will be able
to start all over again. I even don’t know how to fix myself or do I have to let
someone fix it for me? I don’t know. I’m still
looking for myself, and I hope I will be given a chance to find myself
again.
AND TO YOU
LMPM I only wish you the best with your new love as what you insisted
to me the last time we talked. I hope that
everything goes strong and let the chain
stop so that no one will suffer anymore because ONE is ENOUGH, TWO is TOO MUCH. Good luck to you and your new ONE.
And to all of you my dear readers I hope
and I prayed that you will not do what I did before because it’s hard to
overcome a challenge like this. And I hope and I pray that somehow you picked a
lesson from my story. I wish you all the best guys in your family and friends.
Thank you for reading and visiting my blog.
THE ONE MOVING
ON,
RODEL
